I wanted to write this today...and I worried whether or not I should. You know protecting the innocent, or not so innocent, and all. If I can't share 'me' on this blog though where can I right?
There was a time, not so long ago, that I could not drive past a Volvo s60 without flying into a 'Towanda' rage. (Have you guys seen Fried Green Tomatoes...no? Go watch it and then you'll understand.) That car was my ex's baby. There was money spent on a few sets of rims, and lowering the suspension, and tinting the windows.... This while we had broken furniture, all Boomer had was a crib, and I was berated for not paying bills with my student loan money. EVERY time I saw a silver Volvo I got angry. I saw red, black,....sometimes I just stopped thinking for a few minutes because I was so angry. At. A. Car. I'll let that sink in for a few minutes.
There was a time, when I avoided an entire suburb of my city. Any time I was there all I could think about was the huge betrayal I had suffered. I blamed A CITY!!! I would drive past his former place of employment and I would cry. I refused to meet friends at bars or restaurants there.
Social media was a constant minefield. I never knew when a 'friend' would pop up. That smiling face would send me into an absolute tailspin. For days I would compare myself. I would question what was wrong with me? What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Was this all somehow my fault?
I did everything I could. I am not perfect. I learned. I grew. I am not the same girl that said 'I do', almost 8 years ago.
I don't get mad at cars any more. I drove through that part of town yesterday just fine. I sat down with Boomer when she wanted to see my wedding pictures. I see people out and on social media and I'm fine. I'm no longer questioning myself and I no longer need to blame.
It wasn't easy, it wasn't fast, but I'm ok. I've moved on.
8 comments:
Please don't try to fight a vehicle. I don't think it's going to end well for either of us.
The quote at the end is perfect. Dance away and enjoy life to its fullest. You have so many blessings!
This is WONDERFUL. I have done the same things. But you are so right, it does pass in time!
You are such a strong woman - thank-you for putting this out there. I went through a very destructive relationship when I was younger and I could completely identify with the idea of being angry at cars and cities. It passes with time, though - and we move on to bigger, better things :)
xox,
Cee
I think it's great that you shared this and I'm so happy for you that you're no longer angry at a car or an entire suburb!
It's really hard to let that kind of stuff go! I think when we finally stop being angry it shows we have learned what we were supposed to. If that makes sense.
It's hard to let things go, especially those hard memories. Moving on is only made harder when you've got people telling you to get over it. Everything in it's own time. Thanks for sharing.
I love this and had all of these same emotions over one of my exes. Blue jeep wranglers... Shudder. It just took time, years actually, for it to fade.
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